My Relationship with Men

by Ashleigh James / Aug 26, 2017 / Comments

The last three years of soul searching has transformed my connections with men. The deeper I meet myself, the deeper I'm able to meet others.

It's been a difficult process of identifying pain and trauma from my past. I've seen into the layers of anger and resentment I have towards the masculine. I've seen how deeply I judged them; weak, emotionally repressed, manipulative and controlling.

I saw me.

Seeing this was like a slap in the face. It wasn't pretty, being aware of my darker aspects, the parts that I rejected. Yet this awareness allows me to see reflections of myself in other people, shining a light on where I need to grow... If I choose the responsibility to do so.

I've been choosing the growth. I've seen progress in my ability to open up and trust, and I've seen my fears and set backs that disconnect me from my heart.

I see it as a continuous journey.

The issue I am experiencing currently is when I meet a man who I have a beautiful heart connection with, I feel that sex is expected.

I know a part of me expects that too, as a natural progression between two physical beings caught up in sexual energy and attraction.

However sex is a tricky one for me.

I've seen into how I can use it for escapism, instant gratification and unhealthy emotional release, leading to addiction.

My soul craves a deeper level of interaction, with love at its core - A connection on all levels; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I want to learn someone and them learn me, growing together.

I want to discover how to honour and love someone while embodying that honour and love myself - transmuting the lower emotions of jealousy and control along the way.

Society and my experiences have taught me how to manipulate energy and steal power from others. I want to unlearn these behaviours and the only way I know how, is through experience and vulnerability.

Where am I not respecting you?
When am I being manipulative?
Am I overshadowing your light?
Where are you hurting?
Tell me your fears.

Teach me, and I'll show you.

I yearn to know all of this and more.
I yearn for understanding between men and women.
I yearn for unity.

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The Contributor

Ashleigh James

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Ashleigh has a strong background in business development, therapies and education within the health and wellness industry. She has been fortunate to work in the UK, Bermuda and Canada.

These fantastic opportunities have helped develop who she is, yet made her question what she wanted in her life. She considers this 'looking within' to be a catalyst for her awakening.

On her journey, she is working on herself by identifying insecurities and issues, particularly around self-worth, and learning to change her response to them.
She believes that this process raises her consciousness as she sheds old programming and belief systems.

Ashleigh feels this continuous personal evolution is part of the global shift in human consciousness.

She'd like to connect with anyone who feels this change and understands the potential we hold to help create a new reality.

Ashleigh is also the Owner/Editor of GEM Magazine.