Maddy Coxford - Dating Detective*

by GEM Magazine / Nov 12, 2015 / Comments

I will start by saying, I am no expert on love; I have 3 consecutive failed relationships under my belt, ringing in a grand total of 10 years in mundane serious relationships.

I’ve never been single before... This is a first.

I don’t play by the rules of ‘the game’ and all my rebellion has gotten me so far are some hilarious (and embarrassing) stories, multiple blow-offs and a bouquet of hangovers.

However, I have spent the better part of the last 6 months navigating dating in our current society, mainly online.

From Tinder, to Plenty of Fish and all sites alike — what I can tell you is; all is not as it seems. It hasn’t exactly been easy and it definitely hasn’t been successful. It has, however, been funny.

What I have found is this; the accessibility of a random hook-up has drastically reduced the number of people looking for real, loving, long term relationships.

"The emotional aspect of relationships is not being given the attention it needs. It's been rejected."

There are too many opportunities for strictly physical connections. This sounds great at first, until you find yourself pacing around your apartment on a Sunday afternoon wishing someone would join you as you indulge in your guilty pleasures or your passions.

Be that laying in bed all day and having a lazy Day. Or going on an adventure.

"It’s moments like in which I started to question my intentions in the dating world."

And yes, there are plenty of success stories when it comes to online dating. I have seen it happen to people in my life. They are fortunate enough to come across a suitable match on their computer screen.

"I believe it is possible, but it hasn't happened for me."

I think it’s important to accurately address what it is you are looking for, what type of person you are and what really matters to you.

"For me, the most important thing is a deep connection."

So I became curious and I started to meet these men.

My initial encounter is now known as The Drunk Tinder Date;

The name says it all. It was a drunken debauchery of a first date and the fact I even continued to meet anonymous men following it is impressive, and also a little stupid.

Then my final encounter was a gem of a man; Smart, talented, gorgeous, funny, and completely out of my league... It goes both ways.

In between these two dates was a parade of emotionally unavailable men whose intentions became transparent around date #2.

I confess, that's not to say I didn't continue to see them into the 3rd, 4th and 5th date. But, if I'd have asked myself the question of what I was actually looking for, it would have saved me some time (and make-up) in the long run.

I’ve had hundreds of likes, swipes and messages in my online dating career. Some I have no desire to see again and others who had me checking my phone every 2 minutes to ensure I hadn’t “missed” their text.

Even to the point a really embarrassing phone call with a lovely lady who explained that if my mother was able to call or text me, it couldn’t possibly be a connection issue.

I am still convinced she felt sorry for me, as she reduced my over-data charge that same day.

"It’s like she knew."

It's possible my opinion on dating online is jaded by my own personal experiences, so I encourage any of you to give it a try. Although, I do have some advice;

Be aware of how much you drink prior to your first meeting.

"2 bottles, 4 shots and 3 martinis is pushing it... Trust me."

If you are particularly worried, it might be worth seeing if there is a website available where you reside that allows you to see any court involvement of any person.

While we don't want to judge a book by its cover, it is smart to be aware.

"I come from a nosey family."

Do be vulnerable, but don't be stupid. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, we are all on the same page about meeting in a public place initially... right?

While we touch on that; don't be afraid to stand up for yourself if you get into a predicament.

"Trust your inner guidance; your mind, heart and instinct."

If you see that someone is getting the wrong impression, be firm and walk away... No explanations.

But be gracious. Unless you need to defend yourself, then do what you need to.

"Be kind and have courage."

If you want a one night stand, say it. If you want a relationship, use your words. There is no point in beating around the bush when it comes to these situations, and no point meeting with someone who has completely different intentions than your own (this is actually the beautiful thing about online dating... NEXT).

"Make yourself clear."

Also, if you have a wonderful date and the lack of communication in the days following prompts concerns for your hand held device... remember that if they want to see you then they will make time for you. Besides, the distress call to your cell phone provider can be a bit of a wake up call.

As for me, I think I'll stick to meeting men organically... for now.

By Maddy Coxford.

*The article is from the feminine perspective, an issue which is gender neutral.

Maddy Coxford is a blogger and lover of all things that incite passion. She is your average 23 year old, working hard to navigate the uncharted waters of being a single female in 2015. Impulsive, raw, honest and therapeutic describes her blog that documents the trials and tribulations of being a hopeless romantic in a world of unrealistic expectations.

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