How Appearance Can Affect Your Self Worth

by Ashleigh James / Apr 23, 2015 / Comments

I feel like as a woman, we rely so much on our looks that we don't realize it's our smarts and independence that are actually more attractive. And I believe that is due to a mixture between a socially created stereotype and from having little self worth.

My low self esteem comes from being an ugly duckling as a child. I wanted so badly to be one of the popular girls at first school but I didn't seem to fit in (sucked at gymnastics) and was sometimes mistaken for a boy.

I would often say to my Mum that I wished I looked like some of the other girls and she would always reply with, "you'll turn into a swan one day." So instead I played with the boys. However, when I went to middle school, I was bullied by a girl (obviously "Ashleigh being 'too sensitive'") and teased by the boys for being flat chested (late developer, not that there's much there now). So it was a strange experience when I turned 13, moved to upper school and had guys start to notice me.

The older I got, the more attention I received but I still didn't really understand it. You see yourself in the mirror everyday so you often don't notice the change. Inside I was still the 'tomboy.'

Having little self belief didn't allow me to fully step into my true self, which left me with insecurities and the need for outside validation.

I'm often told I'm 'too nice' or 'naive' and I believe that is because I found it difficult to speak out. The need for approval meant I cared more about what other's thought than what I thought.

Those who saw these insecurities would sometimes feed on them and I allowed it because I had no balls. I lacked the ability to speak up and at times I would take my frustration out on those closest to me or play people at their own games. Either way, it wasn't healthy behaviour.

Something had to change, I needed to find my voice.

I found that voice through writing and after a while, it transcended to my conversations and eventually started to come out in confrontations.

Am I perfect at articulating my thoughts and feelings with my words? No, it's bloody hard. And although my voice may shake and my hands might tremble, I have made a start and in my eyes it takes courage and will (hopefully) get easier from here.

To anyone who doesn't know their true worth and doubt themselves;

- Spend less time/focus on your outer beauty and more on your inner beauty.
- Our childhood has a big impact on our development, try to pinpoint where your insecurities stem from so you can face them.
- Start listening to your inner voice and slowly begin to trust it to do the talking, even at first if it's just a whisper.

"Self confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. How can anyone else see how awesome you are if you can't see it yourself?"

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The Contributor

Ashleigh James


Ashleigh has a strong background in business development, therapies and education within the health and wellness industry. She has been fortunate to work in the UK, Bermuda and Canada.

These fantastic opportunities have helped develop who she is, yet made her question what she wanted in her life. She considers this 'looking within' to be a catalyst for her awakening.

On her journey, she is working on herself by identifying insecurities and issues, particularly around self-worth, and learning to change her response to them.
She believes that this process raises her consciousness as she sheds old programming and belief systems.

Ashleigh feels this continuous personal evolution is part of the global shift in human consciousness.

She'd like to connect with anyone who feels this change and understands the potential we hold to help create a new reality.

Ashleigh is also the Owner/Editor of GEM Magazine.